WHHHOOOO WIIILLLL BEEEE EVVVIIICCCTTEEEEDDD THHHHIIISSSSS WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? IIIIIII DDDOONNNN’’’’’TTTTTT KKKKNNNNOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! Let’s find out.
So. Danielle. Nominated. Janelle thinks Jojo looks cute. CRUCIAL INFORMATION.
So Dan thinks that telling Danielle that she was on her own was maayyybbeee a bad move. Maybe. Hahaha. GOOD COACH!!!
Shane’s fricking roasting up in this bitch. He’s down to his thong right now. Ian’s skeeved out because of how flirty Jojo and Shane are being. I’M SKEEZED OUT TOO!!! WHAT IS SKEEZED?! “Shane’s over there trying to board the Staten Island Ferry”. Ha! Ian! Now Shane and Jojo are talking about whether or not they’re good at kissing. Ian responds: “I’ve been told… heavy on the tongue.” Jojo is horrified. So Ian goes and tells Danielle about all of the flirty talk and now Danielle is SOOO UPSET!! Oh IAN! WHEN WILL YOU STOP RUINING THINGS FOR EVERYBODY?!!?! Consider that fire under Danielle’s butt officially LIT! Danielle goes running over to the blondes and tells them what Ian told her. Ashley says that Shane is too little. He’s emancipated (which, according to Ashley, means that he’s so skinny his insides are being sucked into his shoulders or WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASHLEY?). Ashley needs a guy that eats (year, we know all about your ideal man Ashley). Ashley would crush him in bed. Janelle’s boobs weigh the same weight as Shane’s head. Danielle’s crushed that she lost to Staten Island. OH GIRLS! GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS! SUCH GIRLS! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
Britney’s trying to tell Jojo how to stay in the game. Then she goes and mocks her in the diary room. Love Britney. She’s now campaigning with Boogie to try and get Danielle out. Boogie thinks it would be a good idea to keep Dan in the game by eliminating Jojo just in case Britney was right and the coach’s enter the game (and they do – SPOILERS!). Britney goes “Could you get Ian to work with you?” and Boogie goes “Yeah”. Silence. “Did you just rest your case? You just rested your case!” Yup. Britney’s not an idiot. She may not have played very well thus far, but she’s not an idiot. She may even be better than Boogie (not that hard).
GUYS! Let’s watch highlights of Willie. WILLIELIGHTS! Now let’s ask the houseguests about Willie. JOE FIRST! “WILLIE IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE HEAT STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN!” Joe, stop YELLING. Julie’s calling Ian out on his attempt to break things up. GOOD JOB IAN! Blah blah Veto stuff.
DR. WILL!!!!! I LOVE DR. WILL!!! Haha, he works for Dr. TATTOFF, the leading provider of tattoo removal! How prestigious. “Some alliances stab you in the back, Chilltown stabs you in the front.” Will thinks that Boogie’s doing a good job, but he thinks that his ego is too big. If Kermit the Frog and Ryan Seacrest had a baby, the baby would be Dan”. Ouch. “He sure picked a lot of hot ass to be on his team. Dan’s eyes got pulled into the gravitational pull of boobies.” Right?! According to Dr. Will, Britney’s doing a terrible job coaching because her players are being evicted for violence. He’s not wrong. As for Janelle, Will thinks that she needs to prove that she’s good at strategizing; if she losses, she’s just a three-time loser. When asked who he thinks will win the game, Will responds “Ian”. Why? Because Ian and Boogie have a lot in common. Boogie is a 40 year-old Ian. Hah.
Julie Chen just asked Frank if he’s her home skillet. WOW.
Jojo says that she was going to come into this house and lie and backstab and be fake but THAT’S JUST NOT WHO SHE IS! SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON! She definitely seems scorned. Danielle almost falls standing up from her chair. KEEP HER IN THE HOUSE! LET’S VOTE ALREADY!!! (WHAT IS WILL WEARING ON HIS FEET?! HOOKER BOOTS?!)
Frank – HOH
Jojo – Nominee
Danielle – Nominee
Wil – Little Miss Hypocrite (Jojo)
Joe – Jojo Dancer (Jojo)
Ashley – Jojo
Shane – Danielle
Ian – Jojo
Jenn – Jojo
Jodi – Evicted
Kara – Evicted
Willie – Removed
Well, Shane stayed true to his alliance, but Jojo is GONE. I wonder if Danielle’s feelings will be hurt?
Someone tweeted “Excuse me as I marry Ian”. If there’s hope for Ian, there must be hope for me, right?
“Yaaayy… let’s see the fake messages.” Oh Jojo. Shane’s going to miss your talks about making out. “Too bad we didn’t get to do it!!!” Jojo, you don’t have to interrupt everyone. “Oh, ALABAMA!!!” Jojo, stop. “I gotta be me.” JOJO I SAID STOP! Wait, did Shane say “Left me with some pretty good dreams?” Ick.
“On Thin Ice”. HOCKEY THEMED HOH CHALLENGE! The houseguests are shooting balls into numbered slots. They’re trying to get the highest score. Highest scored slot is in the middle. There are hockey players scattered about the ice to stop the ball. Ashley’s first. She gets the ball into slot #4. Joe’s up next. He looks so miserable all of the time. Joe tries to be fancy, but he only scores 3. Julie’s getting mad because they’re taking too long. Seems weird that they’re rushing people in a challenge that could affect their chances at the grand prize. Jenn scores 0. Ian scores 9. Wil scores a 2. Shane scores 20. WOW. Danielle scores a 12 so Shane is the new Head of Household! Britney’s thrilled!
Julie’s now talking about America’s Vote. If America chooses, the coaches will enter the game as contestants, just as Britney predicted. GEE, I WONDER WHAT AMERICA WILL CHOOSE?!?!?! FIND OUT SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE?!?!?!!!! I DON’T KNOW WHY I ADDED QUESTION MARKS!??!?!!