Blog Brother Episode 14 – There’s Some Despicable Human Filth Inside This House

“There’s some despicable human filth inside this house”. AND SO BEGINS EPISODE 14!

Frank, in his spiritard, asks Joe for some advice about carnitas. Joe says “Do whatever you want.” WAY TO BE JOE!

Britney doesn’t think that she did the right thing voting out Janelle instead of Frank. Britney’s really struggling with this.

Boogie and Frank are talking about putting Dan up with Wil. I bet Dan will go for that idea.

Wow, people actually don’t seem sickened to be seeing Frank’s HOH room. “IS THAT NANA?!” “JEAN SHORTS FRANK?!” “A NASA HAT?!” Ian thinks that it doesn’t matter if you are wearing a spiritard, if you put on a NASA hat, you’re instantly the coolest person around.

Ashley voted to get rid of Janelle simply because everyone else was. Now she’s worried that she and Wil are just the chitlins that are going to be easily targeted and wait – did Ashley just say “chitlins”? Joe’s with them now. He’s upset because nobody told him what was going on. “I FEEL AS IF I HAVE BEEN LAM. BASTED.” STOP. YELLING.

Shane says that every night he dreams of people from the house. Frank had a pretty steamy dream about Jojo. Wil’s leaving on that note. Shane: “She was cute to look at, but when she opened her mouth, it was like…” Ian: “Yoyoyo in ya face!” Frank:  “Jojo did have a nice little body on her, I’ll give her that.” Shane: “Very nice. What about Kara? OH!” Frank: “See, I just think Kara wasn’t around long enough for me to have dreams about.” Ian: “Oh, I dream of Kara still. Please come back Kara. Please?”

Yes Kara, please come back (is this picture appropriate? THIS IS AN ALL-AGES BLOG! #inapprops)

Shane and Danielle are now talking about their “relationship”. Danielle doesn’t like that Shane always keeps his wall up. He kisses her in front of the entire house, but he won’t make a move in private. Shane says he’s afraid of relationships and Danielle is like “I never asked you for a relationship!” “I know, you just wanted a little bit of the Shane-o-mac”. #SHANEOMAC. “You know what? Boy, you think I would just so easily, just…” “No I don’t, I just know that you wouldn’t do anything out of a relationship. Neither would I.” “Clearly kissing doesn’t fall into that category…” “Nope. Not in public.” Danielle in the diary room: “Hey mister, if you don’t shape up and get your act together, I’m a catch and you’re going to lose me!” Danielle accuses Shane of being afraid to look at her when they talk. He says that he was looking at her, just not at her eyes… he was looking at her boobies. Danielle says that’s fine. #SHANEOMAC

Boogie, Frank, and Dan are now talking about putting up one of the Silent Six to get rid of suspicion. “What about Shane?” “As long as it’s not me”, says Dan. “Hey… we didn’t think of that! What about Dan?” Dan humbly requests not to be the one wearing the pawn mask. “You don’t trust your alliance, huh?”

Boogie doesn’t think that Danielle is a school teacher. “I think she’s either a medical student or a nurse”. “The average person doesn’t call Advil naproxen”. Britney, the average person doesn’t call Advil Naproxen because Advil ISN’T Naproxen. It’s Ibuprofen. Naproxen is Aleve. #THEMOREYOUKNOW

Ashley has a horrible back spasm, so she gets Boogie and Dan to carry her through the house so that she can go to the bathroom. Let this picture illustrate the scene for you.

Because Ashley’s hurt, Frank is going to play for her in the Have-not competition. They’ll pick their own teams by grabbing either a yellow bandana or a green bandana. Ian grabs them all and just gets mobbed. The Lemons are Danielle, Shane, Britney, Joe, and Jenn. The Limes are Boogie, Frank, Dan, Ian, and Wil. It’s time for “EXSQUEEZE ME!”, the citrus-themed Have-not competition. “I walked into the backyard and it was like a lemon-lime magical garden and it smells so good. Everyone looked so cute. They were just like little weeble wobbles.” WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING ASHLEY? So each team is wearing a lemon/lime suit. They have to jump into a pool of lemonade and then run over to the juicer where they squeeze out all of the lemonade in an effort to fill the jugs of the players on the opposing team. The first team to fill up the jugs of four-players on the opposing team will win and make those players have-nots (so I guess one person from the other team is exempt). Boogie thinks it would be a good idea for the guys to fill up their mouths as well. This competition is going to be hilarious. I mean, it pretty much requires everyone to get humped. The Lime’s fill Joe’s jug first and move on to Britney’s. Danielle: “I’ve never had a lesbian on me PERIOD, much less bounce on me!” The Lime’s fill Ian’s jugs and move on to Dan’s. “Team Lime is squeezing and breezing onto the course. Last time I saw this many limes squeezed, there wasn’t a drop of tequila left at the bar.” Boogie: “I THINK I JUST POPPED A TESTICLE!” Guys, this is too ridiculous. Everyone’s humping each other. Joe’s slowly dying in the pool. Ian wishes Ashley was on top of him instead of Frank. The Limes have filled three jugs now. Shane squeezed the juice out of Danielle. “That’s the most action I got off Shane ever.” “This is about being a have or a have-not this week. Save it. Get a room.” Britney is NOT impressed. The Lemons have started to catch up because the guys have a kink in their house. They’ve each filled about 6 jugs each. Frank finally realizes that the hose has a kink in it, but it doesn’t matter. The Lime’s win! The Lemons (minus Jenn) are have-nots. WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, AM I RIGHT?! #AMIRITE

Is this Ian’s first week as a have? I mean, he always just volunteers. Anyways, the have-nots get candy canes and cod. “I hate fish!” Hey, Danielle and I have something in common! I’d eat the candy canes. Britney also likes candy canes! OMG!!! We are meant to be.

Time for Frank to go up and kiss ass. He’s throwing Wil under the bus. Wow.

They’re playing in the pool right now. Boogie’s going to do a belly flop dunk. Big Brother finals gives them a basketball hoop for the pool and Boogie breaks it 5 minutes later. We haven’t actually seen any pool antics this summer, which is sad. I like pool antics.

Wil’s telling Frank and Boogie that there’ll be no hard feelings if they put him up. Really? Wil suspects that there is a large group of people in this house that are working together, but he doesn’t feel comfortable disclosing his suspicions at this point. That was a weird conversation. Boogie and Frank don’t like Wil’s attitude. They considered him “cocky and brash”. Wow, Frank wants to send Dan home. Boogie knows that if they do that, nobody will ever trust them again. Boogie thinks it’s way too early to make that kind of move. I would agree with Boogie. Don’t do something stupid Frank. You’ve got a good thing going right now. Get rid of Joe and Wil.

NOMINATIONS TIMES! Britney is safe. Danielle is safe. Shane is safe. Ashley is safe. Jenn is safe. Ian is safe. Dan is safe. Boogie is safe. Joe and Wil are nominated. I CALLED IT!!!!! BOOYAH! Alright, I just watched four episodes in a row. TIME TO STOP! MORE BLOG BROOOOOTHER LATEEERRR!!! Barf.

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