Blog Brother Episode 21 – You Are One Sick Person, Dan

GUYS! BLOG BROTHER TIME GO GO GO!!!

Guys, tonight there will be an epic move that could change everything… AND EVERYONE WAS IN TEARS! Someone’s dying!

Dan’s still convinced that he’s going to get Ian’s Veto. Until Britney tells him her master plan. The part she didn’t tell Dan was that if they don’t win both Veto’s, he’s going home.

Veto time already! Frank picks Shane. Danielle picks Britney. Dan gets Houseguests Choice and picks “Jenn-City”. Dan’s not actually going to throw the competition to Shane and Britney, the only person he trusts is himself.

Now Jenn-City is swearing allegiance to Frank. She doesn’t want him “alone out there”.

HAHAHA, The Veto challenge is DRAW SOMETHING!!! TRADEMARK! #ZYNGA! So… this Veto challenge is pretty self explanatory. IT’S DRAW SOMETHING. They guess what the picture is. THE END. Oh, but there’s a twist! Each correct answer comes along with a punishment which they must take to get the points. The first drawing is worth 2 points. It’s an avocado. Frank gets it and has to die himself green to become a human avocado. Ew. That is… what is that? That is nasty. The next one is worth 5 points. It’s hunger. I BET HE’LL HAVE TO GO WITHOUT FOOD! Nope. He has to eat some h’orderves that are gross. Britney is pissed cause Dan is SUPPOSED TO BE THROWING IT GUYS! 4 points is the next one. It’s a clock. She has 90 seconds to take off all of her clothes and burn them. This is getting weird guys. This next one is worth 6 points. Britney gets shackle. Now she has to be shackled to a house guest of her choice for 24 hours. She picks Danielle. GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS, #RIGHT? So, apparently these drawings were actually drawn by people. By REAL PEOPLE! IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME GUYS! 7 points this one! It’s shower! I GOT IT BEFORE THE HOUSEGUESTS! Frank gets it. Now he has have a “chum shower” every time an alarm sounds for the next 24 hours. He keeps getting gross ones. Now Frank has 9 points. UH OH! 3 points is the next one. CARROT! GOT IT AGAIN! The rest of these newbs really suck at Draw Something. Frank gets it. Has to wear a carrot suit. Now Frank has 12 points. Britney’s got 6. Dan has 5. Jenn has 4. Shane and Danielle SUCK. HOLY CRAP! The next one is worth 10 points and it’s drawn by WENDY IN EDMONTON, ALBERTA! IT REALLY COULD HAVE BEEN ME! IT COUL D HAVE! Frank gets it. It’s a bench. In order for him to win, he has to bench himself by sitting out of the next HoH competition. Frank goes for it. So that’s… 22 points? Frank and Dan start bickering back and forth. “I’m not as alone as you might think Dan.” Ian goes “Hello? Adults?” to try and get everyone’s attention back on the game. Danielle gets spots. She has to get splattered with paint for 2 minutes. She gets 6 points for that. 8 points for this next one. Dan gets it. It’s trip. Dan must take a 24-hour trip to the solitary dance party. Britney is STILL pissed. She’s now in it for herself. Dan’s at 13 now, 9 behind Frank. Britney and Danielle both have 6. Jenn has 4. Shayne is pathetic. Britney buzzes in but she doesn’t know what it is. Frank whispers “Summer” and gets himself eliminated from the competition for breaking the rules. HOLY CRAP! What an upset for Frank. This next one is worth 11 points. Britney keeps buzzing in without knowing the answer. Jenn buzzes in and says “Ticket”. She can get those 11 points by taking a slop ticket and eating slop for the rest of the summer. This is a huge test of loyalty for her. She opts to take it, meaning that she wins with 15 points. That’s a huge move on her part to seal her alliance with Frank. WOW.

Carrot Top

Sorry about the length of that paragraph. I’m getting caught up in the game. Yes, I know how dumb that is considering how far behind I am. As snarky as I am sometimes, I actually REALLY LIKE Big Brother. I appreciate it as a social experiment and I appreciate it as a game of strategy. So… yeah, sometimes I get wrapped up in the actual gameplay. SORRY OKAY?!

Dan’s getting all emotional. He says that there are 3 things he loves in this life: His wife, coaching, and playing this game. Wow Dan. That’s… I think that’s pathetic? Anyways, Dan goes into solitary confinement… er…. Solitary disco dance confinement and he must now spend 24 hours trying to figure out how to get out of this mess he’s backed himself into.

So Britney and Danielle get shackled together and now they have to change clothes together and go to the bathroom together and… drag each other across the floor? Oh, and now Frank needs to go get a chum shower. SO MANY PUNISHMENTS! SO EXCITING! I wonder what happens if he just doesn’t do it? I wonder why he’s not wearing his carrot suit while taking a chum shower?

I bet this was an entertaining 24 hours…

Oh, time for Dan to come out of solitary disco confinement. Dan looks wasted. He’s acting really strange. Britney compares his actions to that of a zombie. LOOKS LIKE THAT ROOM REALLY MESSED HIM UP! Now he wants to have a house meeting so he can address everyone. WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN? HE’S TEARING UP! “When I walked out of there… and saw you guys sitting there, it meant the world to me, so I just want to let you gys know I appreciate that. I’m dressed in all black for a reason. I want to welcome you guys to my Big Brother funeral. Stop crying Britney! Just want to say a couple things. Joe, being around you, you taught me a lot about how to be a good husband. Y’know, Shane’s walking, living proof there actually is a Captain America. You’re such a good dude and I just appreciate our friendship man. The one and only Jenn-City. You’re the first lesbian I’ve ever met and I just want you to make sure that you know how much you’ve touched me. Next up is Britney. I know that we’re always going to have this bond that maybe only you and I understand as new people being married in this house and being separated from the people we love. The last three are going to get a little bit tougher. Ian, the more and more I was around you, the more you remind me of myself because you love this place for everything it’s worth and you – you single-handedly made this experience for me. Alright, the guy in the carrot suit, Frank. There’s a couple things I’ve said about you that I’m not proud of. You know, there’s something in the Bible I want to read to you upstairs and apologize to you face-to-face in private. Now’s not the time or place, but after this I’d like to talk to you by yourself and just get that off the table. So and finally, I know there’s Danielle. The last time I played this game, I learned a lot of tough lessons early on and I learned that you’ve got to find one person and put 100% of your trust in. I thought if I picked you you would have similar qualities to Memphis Garrett. Through my own fault, I was wrong. We don’t need to get into it now, but in this game, you’ll never earn my trust back. You know what you did, and in this game, you’re dead to me. So don’t come to me and ask about it ‘cause it’s over. Moving forward, we can be friends outside this, I’ll be friends with all of you, but the game talk for me ends now. So I hope you guys understand that this was the death of Dan the player, I want the rest of the experience to be fun for everyone and not awkward. I really appreciate it.” Holy. ****. “What were you talking about Dan?” a clearly devastated Danielle manages to squeak out. Dan ignores her. Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow. Poor Danielle.

How can you not feel for this girl?

“Did I really go crazy in solitary confinement? Or, did I come up with a master plan to get myself out of this mess?” OH DAN! YOU SNEAKY DAN! Danielle is DEVASTED! Poor girl… Nobody has any idea what he’s talking about. Everyone’s trying to figure out what the hell Dan did. They all agree that Danielle HAS to stay. Dan’s for sure going home now… or IS he? Dan’s not an idiot. He knows EXACTLY what he just did. I am so intrigued right now.

Wow, I completely forgot about Dan’s private apology to Frank. It’s not an apology. He’s going to go up and spell everything out to Frank. The Quack Pack is over. BOOM. Frank’s stunned. He knows that Ian betrayed them. Frank wants Ian gone. Dan says that Britney is the bigger threat at this point in the game because nobody’s going to put her up. Now he’s telling Frank what would have happened if Britney or Shane had won the Veto. Dan’s certainly making a good case for himself here. Wow. What a move. Frank thinks that he may be able to convince Jenn to use the Veto on Dan. Dan is swearing to God. And on the Bible. And on his wedding ring. And on the chain left to him by his dead grandfather? And he said in the diary room that he even means it!

Now Dan’s telling Danielle that it was all an act. “I told you I’d never do it again… but I did. I just saved us both.” She responds by hitting him with a pillow. She’s in tears again. “You broke my heart”. Dan looks so awkward. “You humiliated me in front of the whole house. Dan, I would have gone home for you.” “I don’t want you to go home for me, I want us to both stay in this.” “Can you at least give me a forewarning next time?” “No, because then you wouldn’t cry!” “…” “…” “You are one sick person, Dan.” “So you’re using my emotions…” “To help get you to the end of the game, yes. I think I just made an alliance for us.” “With?” “Jenn and Frank.” “Next move is to get Jenn to use the Veto.” “Who is Frank gonna put up?” “Are you sure you wanna hear this?” “Yeah. Shane?” Shakes head subtly. “Britney.” Nods head subtly. “If it works, it’s gonna be you and Britney up.” “Me and Britney?” “Your sympathy meter is through the roof. No one’s gonna touch you now. Because everyone’s gonna think you’re alone.” “He’s gonna convince Jenn to pull you off?” “That’s what he’s gotta do. That’s why it’s so hard. It’s all gonna depend on her.” Wow.

Now Frank’s going to try to convince Jenn to follow through with the plan. It sounds like she’s game. Wow.

Veto ceremony time. I think that this is the first time I’ve ever seen two people contemplating who to take off the block. Ian opts not to use the Veto, as expected. Jenn pulls Dan off. CRAZY. Britney is stunned. Ian can’t believe it. Frank calls Ian out in front of the house, but he can’t put him up on the block, so he has to do the next best thing and nominate his closest ally. Britney is so confused. Ian feebly shakes his head. In Dan’s place, Frank nominates Britney. The two of them just got hit by a bus. Britney’s in tears. She’s given up. Ian: “If he thought I was coming after him before, I’m coming after him now.” Dan is ecstatic, as he should be.

You know, I was skeptical when the intro to this week’s episode claimed that there would be an epic move that could change everything, but I’ve got to hand it to Dan… he pulled it off. Bravo maestro. This was by far the best episode this season. I’m genuinely shocked by what went on and I haven’t even remained completely spoiler free, so that’s quite a feat. Sorry that this episode was so long and recap-y. Maybe you’ll find some snark in the next unpredictable episode of Blloooogggg Brother!

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