Blog Brother Episode 26 – Straddlegizing

5 episode left. IT’S GETTING REAL FOLKS!

Jenn’s feeling pretty nervous now that Frank is gone. She knows that she was betrayed. Jenn calls Dan aside and Dan reassures her that he’s on her side. LOL. This was all happening pre-HoH.

Turns out Dan actually nominated Ian because he wanted him gone. Of course, he tells him that he’s just a pawn, but… we all know Dan can’t be trusted. Dan takes Shane aside and informs him that although Ian’s going up as a pawn, maybe they should consider getting him out. I love this little parade of people who confront the HoH during these double-eviction weeks. Sounds like Dan was actually serious about getting Ian out. Danielle’s now pulling Shane aside and telling him that they have to vote out Ian. Man. Where’d all of this come from? Ian begs Dan not to put him up but Dan reassures him that he’s the pawn.

Of course, it didn’t matter because Ian won the Veto. So now Dan had to scramble to ensure that Joe went home. Or… not? Dan wanted to send Shane home? REALLY?! Wow. What a backstabber. Danielle convinces Dan to keep Shane. I can’t believe how long these commercial breaks last. They have so much time to talk! Despite all of this, Danielle’s still shocked that she’s up on the block. Guess there wasn’t THAT much time to talk. Jenn’s pissed that Dan didn’t put up Shane. He blames it on Danielle. Now he’s telling Ian that if he votes Danielle out, he will rip his face off. Wow. They’re all reassuring Danielle that she’s safe. Dan, for the third time, is having to tell Danielle that she has to trust him in this game. She may be the only person Dan hasn’t backstabbed… at least not for long anyways. Now he’s guilt-tripping Danielle by saying that he kept Shane for her. Now it’s on her shoulders. So Ian and Shane both dodged a bullet last week. And now Ian and Jenn are pissed off at Dan. I wonder if they’re going to turn on him? I’d love to see the alliances in the house just shuffle.

What Would Willie Do?

Dan’s shaking in his boots. There are only 5 of them left and he’s worried about 3 of them. Danielle doesn’t seem to be too happy about this situation either. EVERYONE’S UPSET!

Wow. And now Danielle tells Shane that she saved his ass. So now Shane knows that Dan was going to put him up. WHY CAN’T PEOPLE KEEP THEIR BIG MOUTHS CLOSED?!

Dan’s still telling Ian that he’s going to the final two with him. RENEGADES BRO! Oh snap, I forgot about the Renegade handshake and #CBS’s gunshot sound.

HoH TIME!!! “Big Brother Memory Lane”. Tons of props from old challenges are scattered about the yard. In each round, the houseguests will be reminded of an event that occurred and they must remember what day that event happened on. They’ll roll a ball down their driveshaft (car stuff) and try to get it into the slot that corresponds to that day. For every day that they are off from the correct day, they’ll be giving one penalty point. The person with the fewest at the end of five rounds is the next HoH. EASY PEASY, RIGHT?! This is a crucial HoH for just about everyone. I’m feeling lazy, but I’ll try my best. The first event is the birth of Baby Zingbot. The answer is Day 36. Ian gets it dead on. Danielle is just… not even close. Shane’s get 2 penalty points. Jenn has 3 penalty points. DANIELLE HAS 13!!! The next event is Frank’s third Veto win. It’s Day 48 (how do they know this?). Ian’s 1 off. Still in the lead. Jenn’s still at 3. Shane’s at 4. Danielle’s at 17. YIKES. I think it’s safe to count Danielle out. What day was Willie expelled from the house? Day 14. Jenn accidentally gets the ball into the “Day 2” slot. Ian dumps it in 20 by mistake. Shane’s at 6. Ian’s at 7. Jenn’s at 15. Danielle’s at 19. So it’s down to Shane and Ian. What day did Jesse Claus make an appearance? Day 56. Shane is 3 off. Ian is 1 off. Shane’s at 9. Ian’s at 8. Danielle’s at 21. Jenn’s at 16. Final round. What day was the power of Veto first used? Day 17. SHANE USED IT ON HIMSELF AND HE GETS IT WRONG! Ian accidentally deposits the ball into slot 11. Danielle got it in 13, so she’s at 25. Jenn gets it in 16, so she’s at 17. Shane gets his in 22, so he’s at 14. Ian is also at 14. IT’S A TIE! TIE-BREAKER! I’M SWEATING (not really). Ian’s praying. On what day was the first coach evicted? It was Janelle on day 34. They both know it. BUT WHERE DID THE BALLS LAND?! Ian gets his in 32. Shane gets his in 30. THAT MEANS THAT IAN WON! Ian starts crying. That must be a huge relief for him. Danielle’s not impressed. Jenn’s not happy. Dan’s worried. Ian just became the biggest target in the house (if he wasn’t already).

Danielle’s face after Ian won

Ian tells Jenn that there are people there who have nominated him, but she hasn’t. Ian wants to put Dan up to keep up appearances as a pawn against Jenn. I’m sure Dan doesn’t appreciate that, but I think Ian legitimately wants to keep him.

Ian’s such a boss, wearing Snakey around his neck like that.

So what does Dan suggest to Ian to keep him from putting him up? Put up Shane. Say he’s the biggest competitor.

Holy crap, ANOTHER PANDORA’S BOX?! Apparently Ian’s the first person in Big Brother history to get 2 Pandora’s Boxes. What does he get if he opens it? A message from his parents. Oh, he’s totally going to take it. He’s TOTALLY going to take it. All of these reality shows contestants are such SAPS! Oh well, if the punishment is really bad, Ian can always start crying and say “It was my parents!” OH **** ME! IT’S MOTHER****ING RACHEL!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH THE VOICE! THE VOOIIICCEEEE!!!! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!!!!!! Oh what? It’s the rest of the houseguests who get a message from their parents. Dan’s wife just spoke to him over the intercom. Err… it was just a video. Shane’s sister recorded a message.

Danielle: “Oh, he’s getting something baaddd up there.” You have no idea Danielle. You have no idea.

The She-Beast returns…

“My favorite pastime with Brendan was straddlegizing where I straddle him and we talk strategy. DUH!” And now she’s laughing. Why won’t it stop. WHY WON’T IT STOP?! DEAR LORD PLEASE LET IT STOP!

Jenn’s mom is talking now. AAAWWWWWWW. If she’s Jenn-City, then does that mean her mom is like… Fort Jenn? Time for a message from Danielle’s sister. Wow, Shane got more emotional than Danielle did.

If I were Ian, I probably would have killed myself.

Dan’s now getting a video from his smoking hot wife. And he’s balling. Wow, even Shane is crying. Go put on your pink shirt you girl.

Man up Shane

NOMINATIONS!! ARE YOU EXCITED?! OKAY! Ian just told everyone that it’s time for the ceremony in the weirdest vote. Was he trying to be… western? Like a sheriff? Odd. Two keys. This’ll be quick. Danielle is safe. Dan is safe. Shane and Jenn are nominated. I BET JENN WILL BE ANGRY! Ian’s still kind of speaking with a southern twang. Why? WHO KNOWS! FIND OUT ON THE 4TH LAST EPISODE OF BLOOOOOGGGG BROTHER!

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