Guys, I can’t believe we’re almost there. TWO MORE TO GO!!! WHAT A LONG SUMMER! WHAT A LONG WEEK!
Holy ****, as Shane is leaving the house, Dan whispers “She’s been playing you the whole time, ask Jenn.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME DAN?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! He is the BIGGEST liar. He’s not playing to get Danielle further… he’s playing for himself… I don’t know why I’m so surprised. He’s just… he’s so convincing! He’s backstabbed so many people, he’s lied to so many people, and I’m just… I fell for it. Again. Of course he’s only playing for himself, he’s said it many, many, many times. Of course he’s lying to Danielle, he needs her to take him to the final two! Jeez. I don’t even know what to say anymore. “What did I tell you day one? You leave your heart at the door.” Clearly.
Ian’s walking around the house going “What? What? What? What?” Oh, and now “Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack…”
Danielle is very upset. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m a dumbass.” Danielle tells Dan that he has a gift for lying. She says he has it down to an art. He just smiles and says “That’s not a very good gift to have.”
Now Ian’s marching around chanting “If you want to be the best, you’ve got to beat the best” over and over again. Is he okay?
“I’m a bad, bad person.” No Danielle, you’re not. You just trusted a bad, bad person. Danielle may not trust him anymore, but she’s not going to let him know that.
Time to celebrate! ALCOHOL! MIMOSAS! Shane’s happy to be where he is because he’s sitting with some great people that deserve everything that’s coming to them. Dan didn’t even try to hide the sinister undertones of his speech.
Oh, this is the part of the season when they flashback to memorable moments that I don’t care about because I just watched them two weeks ago. This blog may be short.
Hey, here’s something new. Boogie’s reading the Bible. “You know what’s weird Dan? Some of the book is really easy to read and some of it’s kind of difficult.” “It’s Old and New Testament.” “Oh, did I crossover or something?” Boogie hasn’t read the Bible since the last time he was on Big Brother. He’s going to read one of his favorite parts. “Is it kind of blasphemous when you’re looking for something in the Bible to say I don’t know where the hell this is? Just kidding. Okay, here we go. The proper attitude towards riches. The lover of gold will not be free from sin, for he who pursues wealth is led astray by it. Do you know this part Dan? I think what the Lord is trying to tell you here Dan is why don’t you just give up this game and not pursue things like $500,000?”
And now we’re flashing back to when Britney was on the block, throwing things and beating Frank’s bear. Apparently she was bored, so she just starts throwing Frank’s food on the floor. “ERRONEOUS! Don’t do that!” Haha. Frank volunteers “Teddy B”. Britney starts destroying that bear. At least she hugs it afterwards.
Ooo, time for fights and confrontations! First up, Willie and Frank. Old stuff. Okay, never mind. It’s extended. But yeah, it’s more of the same. Now it’s the Willie/Joe fight. “You’re the only ****** I see my brother!” Good times. Love the drama. LOVE IT. I love the people hiding in the storage room, haha.
Danielle’s now recapping her relationship with Shane. Britney’s being a mediator for an argument between Shane and Danielle. “Did he give you any hugs today?” “She’s too needy.” “He thinks it’s funny when he makes me mad!” Shane’s talking about how it’ll put a big target on his head if he has a showmance with Danielle. How ironic. Britney IS a good mediator. “I feel better, what about you guys?” Oh, now we’re talking about Ian and Ashley and their date. Ian reaches into his pocket and pulls out a fake flower. SUAVE HAS A NEW NAME AND IT’S IAN! Ian’s obliviousness is so adorbs. I say that now. Adorbs. “I think that if Ashley and I play this out right, we could go the distance… IN THE GAME!” Ian thinks that if Ashley had been in the house when he had stood up to Frank, Ashley might have come back to him. Haha. Oh Ian.
Alright, I’m getting bored of the recap episode. When does the final HoH competition start? Are they given a script? Like… why would Dan be saying the things he’s saying if they weren’t told to recap? This has to be directed. Now they’re talking about Dan’s funeral which was ages ago in game time but was only 3 days ago for me!
Man… there’s no HoH competition this episode, is there? Sigh… You mean I could have skipped this episode and just watched the finale? GAH! I DON’T EVEN HAVE A TON OF GOOD PICTURES oh look! HoH competition!!!
FINAL HOH COMPETITION, PART ONE! All 3 will compete in “Hook, Line, and Sinker”. They hang on to a suspended fishing hook. That’s it. Last person holding on wins. The hooks move over top of a pond and dunk the houseguests in water. Then they rise up again and slam the houseguests into a wall. Looks tough. It’s pouring rain now. Fun! Wow, it’s almost submerging their heads. As I said, fun! Looks like we’ll have to wait until next time to find out who wins round one. Fortunately, next time is only a matter of hours away! Find out who will be crowned champion of Big Brother 14, next time on… BBLLLOOOOOOOOOGGGGGG BRROOOOOTTTHHHHEERRRR!!!!!!!!!