Canadian Horror Blog: Asylum – Episode 4

Canadian Horror Blog: Asylum

Wow. This episode starts in 1964. I wasn’t expecting that. There’s a new patient at Briarcliff. She’s a Jewish woman who attacked a group of men for making anti-Semitic remarks. When Sister Jude asks if she lost someone in the war, she just starts whistling. And HOLY CRAP I FORGOT ABOUT SLUTVIGNY’S LEGS! JEEEZZZZ. She asks if she’ll die. Dr. Arden explains that it’s quite the opposite in fact – once he injects her with whatever he injects her with, she’ll most likely live forever. Whatever that means. American Horror Story you guys.

Dr. Arden’s looking for the alien chip. It’s gone missing. Arden suspects that it’s crawled itself back into Kit. He beats him up, inspects him, but finds nothing. Kit explains all this to Grace. Grace decides it’s time to reveal her backstory. She wakes up in bed. There’s noise coming from outside her room. Grace goes to investigate. She walks down the hall and finds a her father being beaten and killed by another man with an axe. She runs away and hides in a closet. The axe man goes outside to look for her and HOLY CRAP SHE IS SURROUNDED BY BLOODY BODY PARTS AND ORGANS INSIDE OF THE CLOSET. No wonder she’s been locked up. Apparently those were the remains of her stepmother. The next day, her stepsister accused her of murder. Oh, so THAT’S why she was locked up. Apparently the axe man and the stepsister were in cahoots. They wanted the farm all to themselves. Very selfish you guys. Kit vows to get her back to the farm. Or a farm. I dunno.

Lana meets with Dr. Sylar. He wants to know where they were during the movie. How did nobody notice that Grace, Kit, and Lana were soaked? I mean, I guess Sylar did, but how did no one else? Anyways, he thinks that she doesn’t belong. He wants to help her. And I guess by help her, he means cure her of lesbianism?

FRENCH SONG! The Jewish woman is journaling in the common room. She equates Briarcliff to a concentration camp but claims that, unlike in the concentration camp, these people she’s trapped with have given up. Lana approaches the woman and tries to befriend her, to no avail. Then Dr. Arden walks in and the Jewish woman goes NUTS. Apparently Dr. Arden was at Auschwitz. He’s a NAZI! And the Jewish woman introduces herself as Anne. ANNE FRANK. Oh boy. Oooooohhhh boy.

“What a relief it’ll be to millions of school children to know you survived”. Oh Sister Jude, there’s that biting sense of humor we all knew you had! “Anne” claims that when she was found, she was too sick to tell anyone her name. She met a soldier, got married, and moved to America, later losing her husband in the Korean War. She didn’t know that her father had survived until her diary was published. She made no move to reveal herself because her father had moved on and because she knew that she did more good as a dead 15-year old girl than a live, grown widow. Sister Jude isn’t buying it. This is kind of a gutsy storyline.

Kit and Dr. Sylar. Meeting. He doesn’t know what to do. If he deems Kit sane, he dies. If he deems him insane, he’s locked up forever. He doesn’t think he’s crazy and he doesn’t think he’s evil. He thinks that he’s the victim of a society that drove him to do awful things and that Kit feels so guilty that he made up a story about aliens to absolve himself of guilt. Dr. Sylar wants to help Kit, but he wants him to admit to the truth of what he did. So Sylar tells him what happened.

Apparently Dr. Arden’s real name isn’t James Cromwell, but Hans Cooper. She thought he seemed nice. She thought he wanted to help, but his treatments were of an… experimental variety.

Dr. Sylar explains that Kit married Alma in secret, and that eventually the shame, the stress, and the pressure of a secret interracial marriage got to him. He killed, skinned, and beheaded two women, and then, the night of the supposed “abduction”, Kit ended up turning his frustration on Alma. Kit replies “It wasn’t me”.

“It wasn’t him”, explains Sister Jude. Sister Jude says that Anna doesn’t know what she’s talking about because she wasn’t there. Anne reveals a number tattoo on the inside of her arm and insists that she was.

Man, when did this just become a straight up recap? If you guys really wanted a play-by-play, you’d just watch it, right? I’m boring myself. I’m not saying anything else until something crazy happens. Oh, look, a chronic masturbator. That counts. AMERICAN HORROR STORY. PS. Lana Winters is imagining herself winning an award for her expose on Briarcliff. She seems very determined to escape. So determined that she goes to see Dr. Sylar about curing herself of homosexuality.

Kit and Grace are sharing a moment. He’s got his hand around her neck. Kinky. In case you didn’t get it, by “a moment” I meant kissing. And by sharing I meant “sex”. Slow down there Kit. Wouldn’t want to blow your load too-never mind. And they got caught. Now Sister Jude is going to sterilize them. YIKES. But hold on – two detectives have shown up. Saved by the… uh… bell police. Guh, stupid reference. Nevermind. I’m dumb.

Sister Jude goes to investigate. Sounds like one of the detectives is named “Detective Bias”, which doesn’t bode well for Sister Jude. Apparently the detectives are there on account of the prostitute that Dr. Arden tried to rape. Whoops. I totally forgot that she found Nazi memorabilia when she was searching through his stuff. I guess Anne Frank is right? Dr. Arden indignantly excuses himself. I guess they weren’t there to arrest him. Sounds like they’re more interested in Kit. They suspect that he’s Bloody Face! Which is super confusing because doesn’t everyone?

Dr. Sylar is showing Lana images of scantily clad women and then feeding her a drip of something that’s making her vomit. It’s aversion therapy. He’s training her body to be physically repelled by nude women. It looks like Sylar’s next trick is making Lana have sex with a man. Or at least making her touch herself while she touches a man named Daniel. She just threw up with her hand on his member. This must be very awkward for Daniel, and also a little bit emasculating? I still view Sarah Paulson as her character from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, which is making this scene VERY awkward. It’s a far cry from “Crazy Christians”, that’s for sure.

Poor Daniel, will his body image ever recover?
Poor Daniel, will his body image ever recover?

MONSIGNOR VOLDEMORT! It’s been too long good sir! Sister Jude’s filling him in on all the Arden/Nazi stuff. Monsignor Voldemort thinks that Sister Jude’s fixation on Dr. Arden has gone on long enough, but Sister Jude won’t drop it. Mounting evidence, she says! From Anne Frank! Oh whoops. Probably should have left out that last part! Sister Jude claims that everything she’s doing is for Voldemort! I mean us! I mean the institute! Voldemort calls her a drunk. Whoops! Guess she got back into the… HABIT. BA DUM BUM PSSSHHH!!!!

Oh look, Slutvigny again. I keep forgetting about her. Dr. Arden’s doing… whatever it is Dr. Arden does with his patients when he gets a phone call from Monsignor Voldemort. “They’re on to you”. OH SNAP! Time to clean up loose ends!

The next scene Is boring, so I’m skipping it.

Oh man, Kit and Grace. Forgot about them. They’ve been put in solitary confinement. THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING ON! I KEEP LOSING THE PLOT! Kit’s upset. Sister Mary showed him Grace’s file and he knows that she lied. There was no axe man. Grace did the killing. Hey Grace? Lying to insane people in a mental asylum isn’t a good way to gain trust. Grace reveals that her father used to molest her. When she told her stepmother, her stepmother gave her candy to shut her up. So she killed them. Both of them. With an axe. And her sister discovered her. But it’s okay, because Kit admires her. WHAT?

Grace would like to AXE you a question.
Grace would like to AXE you a question.

FRENCH SONG! Lana’s depressed. Dr. Sylar apologizes and gives her the picture of Clea DuVall. Why anybody would want a picture of Clea DuVall is beyond me. He claims that when he leaves at the end of the week, he’ll be taking her with him. Yeah. FAT CHANGE BUDDY! $10 says that Dr. Sylar dies before he leaves Briarcliff.

Kit approaches Sister Judy. He’s very apologetic and remorseful. He’s begun to believe that he is Bloody Face and that he really did make up the aliens. Sister Jude awkwardly averts her eyes at the mention of the aliens, which SHE HAS SEEN! HOW DID I FORGET THAT THERE IS APPARENTLY AN ALIEN WANDERING ABOUT THE ASYLUM? Anyways, Kit seeks forgiveness for what he thinks he did. He says he’ll admit to everything. Is this a trick?

Dr. Arden is none too pleased with Anne Frank. He throws her into his… laboratory? Operating room? Office? Whatever. Arden accuses her of lying. She accuses him of TREACHERY! He turns and locks the door. Anne draws a gun which she stole from one of the detectives. Someone’s locked in a room! Arden rushes Anne and she shoots him in the leg. Anne opens the door, revealing CHLOE SLUTVIGNY, LOOKING AN AWFUL LOT LIKE THOSE “CREATURES” IN THE WOODS! “Kill me!”

More like Chloe Barfvigny, am I right?
More like Chloe Barfvigny, am I right?

Well, all things considered, that hour was significantly less crazy than the last three. No aliens, no demons, no wood creatures. Just good old fashioned murder. I appreciate that American Horror Story is attempting to bring to the forefront issues like racial discrimination, sexual abuse, and insanity, but maybe this isn’t the forum for it? It’s just that American Horror Story is so crazy. And crude. And vile. And I feel a disconnect. I think that the Anne Frank thing is really interesting, but as crazy as it is, it feels almost too serious for this show. Or something. I dunno. I’m just spouting thoughts. Until next time… “Try to focus on his genitals” and “try to relate the pleasure you’re feeling to his tumescence”.


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