“You need to send a car to Briarcliff. They’re waiting.” “Who’s waiting?” “I’ve been a very busy boy.” HOLY CRAP IT’S DYLAN MCDERMOTT. The cops enter Briarcliff and the three false Bloody Faces hang suspended in the spiral staircase. I bet that’s the only 2012 portion we get in this episode. But what a portion it was!
A woman has brought a young girl to Briarcliff. Her child is apparently a murderer? But instead of going to the police, she goes to Sister Jude. Who I guess is back to being a Sister. Sister Jude won’t accept the child however, because there is no children’s ward at Briarcliff.
Dr. Sylar Bloody Face has prepared a delightful snack for Lana. “This is good”, she says. Lana’s trying her hardest to empathize with and relate to Dr. Bloody Face. We’re getting a lot of backstory here. Sylar grew up in the foster care system. His mother abandoned him. He studied psychology to learn more about his unique psyche and the first time he saw a dead body, he associated the woman with his mother. As he touched the dead body, held it, he realized that he needed that touch, that skin-to-skin contact that he’d been denied growing up in foster care, without a mother. But the cadaver was too cold. He needed someone warmer. He needed warm, living skin. But now that’s all over, because he has Lana. His “mommy”.
Sam Goodman, the PI (maybe) that Sister Jude hired to research has finally gotten back to her and his results are a surprise to no one but Sister Jude. Dr. Arden IS Hans Gruber. Goodman has Gruber’s paperwork, but he needs a finger print from Arden to confirm. Sister Jude hangs up the phone and Jenny, the young murderous child, stands before her. Her bother abandoned her at Briarcliff. A lot of abandonment going on in this episode.
Monsignor Voldemort has been summoned to perform last rites for Barfvigny, the limbless zombie. Except her rcognizes her as Shelley. I guess that was Slutvigny’s actual name that I forgot?
Whoa! 1962! Flashback! The day Father Voldemort met Dr. Arden. Arden worked there as a doctor when Briarcliff was just a hospital, before Father Voldemort became the owner. Arden explains that now that his tenure his over, so is his research. He was working on an immune-booster which would inhibit disease from taking hold in humans. His next-step was human testing. It’s implied that Father Voldemort made an agreement with Arden to keep him on staff in order for him to further his research by testing it on the patients at Briarcliff. He’s now seeing the result of this testing in Barfvigny. I mean Shelley. 1964. Monsignor Voldemort uses his rosary beads to strangle Shelley. Voldemort confronts Arden. Arden explains that Briarcliff is a receptacle for human waste. It was his intent to give their lives meaning, by experimenting on them, thereby giving them worth. Arden reveals that he experiment on Spivey, the guy who was beat up by Kit back in episode one. Arden is trying to improve humans by making them immune to the eventual nuclear wasteland that will result once the Soviet Union launches its nuclear missiles. Oookay. Voldemort wants to turn him in, but knows that if he does, Arden will reveal all of Briarcliff’s dirty little secrets, which Voldemort doesn’t want. They do have a common threat however – Sister Jude.
Sister Mary is bonding with Jenny. Sister Mary accuses Jenny of murdering her friend Josie. “How do you know?” “I know everything. I’m the devil. She deserved it, that Josie. She was just a phony little shit. She didn’t even like you! She just played with you because her mother told her to.” Good role model, that Mary. Now we’re flashing back to a time when Mary was trying to fit in. The cool kids tricked her into disrobing and revealing her naked body. She was a victim. She assumed that if she joined the church, she’d find acceptance, but things didn’t work out that way. And now… now she’s possessed.
Monsignor Voldemort has arrived in Sister Jude’s office to offer her a new job. In Pittsburgh. Sister Jude knows that this all goes back to Dr. Arden. Voldemort has been turned against her, and there’s nothing she can do. As Sister Jude packs her things, Sister Mary informs her that Jenny has been retrieved by her mother, then asks her what she’s doing. Sister Jude informs Mary of her new position, but reassures her that she won’t leave her with that awful Dr. Arden. She requests a bottle of cognac and two clean glasses.
Kit phones Dr. Sylar, asking for help, but there is no help to be found. Kit accuses him of being a phony, lying bastard, which does not go over well with Dr. Sylar. He rushes downstairs to vent to Lana, who is in the middle of attempting to escape from her chains. She dashes back to her bed, but her heartbeat and perspiration betray her. She was going to abandon Dr. Sylar. And Dr. Sylar hates being abandoned, especially by his “mother”. So he dons his mask and grabs his scalpel.
Sister Mary is slutting it up in Sister Jude’s red slip, dancing and singing along to a rebellious song. Oooh, what a devil! Goodman calls and Mary answers. “This is Sister Jude”.
The real Sister Jude shows up in Arden’s office with the cognac. “You’ve won, and I’ve always prided myself on my good sportsmanship.” Arden notices that she only poured one glass. “Ah yes, you’re abstaining these days. I wouldn’t dream of drinking alone”. So Sister Jude pours herself a glass. The two imbibe. And Sister Jude gets her fingerprint.
Sister Mary goes to meet Goodman. When Sister Jude arrives, she finds Goodman dying on his bathroom floor. Oh Sister Mary, what did you do? Sister Jude believes Arden did it, but Goodman corrects her. “A nun”, he utters. “One of yours”. Sister Mary has brought the incriminating evidence to Arden. Not all of it, however. She’s hidden some away, in case Arden ever decides to double-cross her. Apparently Goodman was a “nazi hunter”. Arden refers to him as an “Israeli Sherlock Holmes”. Arden wants to know why Mary is doing all of this. She explains that it’s the beginning of an all-new era and that all he has to do is trust her with his entire soul.
Jenny has struck again. She stabbed her mother in the back.
Bloody Face undresses Lana Winters. Bloody Faces describes that he was following her before she entered Briarcliff. Lana’s trying her best to manipulate Bloody Face. She says that she doesn’t want him to feel guilty about what he’s about to do because she still loves him. A mother’s love is unconditionally. “You never had that, did you? Everyone deserves that. Even you. Baby.” Sylar removes his mask and starts crying. “Baby needs colostrum” (which Babycenter.com refers to as “high octane” breast milk). And Sylar burries his face in her breast and suckles away. Yuck.
We close out the episode by returning to the present. The detectives are searching the remains of Briarcliff for evidence and discover Adam Levine’s body. A phone rings. They open a door and find an iPhone in Levine’s separated arm. Detective John Grayson picks up the phone. Dylan McDermott just wants them to know that he only murdered the imposters. But where’s Adam Levine’s bride? Oh, she’s still alive, lying on Dylan McDermott’s operating table. That’s all.
I don’t know about you, but I’m finding that I’m much more interested in everything that’s not happening at Briarcliff. I’m more invested in the Bloody Face storyline, by far. I don’t care about Kit, Grace, Sister Jude, Sister Mary, or Dr. Arden. I’ve bought into Dr. Sylar, Lana, and the stuff going on in the present day, so this was a decent episode for me. Still, I hope that I become interested in the rest at some point. The hard thing about American Horror Story: Asylum is that there really are no likeable characters. Everyone is seriously messed up. Maybe we are supposed to like Sister Jude? But she’s got this creepy obsessions with Monsignor Voldemort. Oh, and she’s technically a murderer. Are we supposed to like Grace? She killed her entire family. Are we supposed to like Kit? I guess we can like Kit. He and Lana are, as far as I can tell, the only two innocent characters in the show, yet both of them are in positions where they can’t really do anything, so we spend the entire episode watching monsters converse and do monstrous things to one another. I mean, I know they like to deal in shades of gray, but… it just makes it hard to get invested. Until next time… “baby needs colostrum”.